American Arab

It’s a hard concept for most people to grasp- the fact that I am an American that spent a large portion of my life in an Arab country. Trying to explain to people that I am an American, but was raised in Jordan is an invitation to start one of the most tedious games of twenty questions I have ever experienced.

“Is your dad Arab?”

– My last name is on the rifle you use to shoot Bambi. No, my dad is not Arab.

“Ok, then your mom is Arab.”

-Yea, no. Her ancestors might as well have come over on the Mayflower from England!

“So… what are you?”

- I’m literally as American as you can get. I even have some Native American blood in me just to be even more American.

“So your parents are both American, but you were born and lived in Jordan. And you’re American.”

At this point I almost think they have grasped the point when they then ask, “But you don’t have an accent!” Honestly, when I was first asked why I didn’t have an accent, I thought they were asking why I didn’t have a southern accent. I realized that what they were really asking is why didn’t I talk like with an Arab accent when I spoke. At this point, I just repeat that my parents are American and English was the main language we spoke in the house.

I will admit, to purely entertain myself, I have fabricated stories to the twenty so questions. As a kid, the popular question was, “Do you live in a tent?” At which I would reply, “Yes, and I ride a camel to school.” More recently, though, since my audience is getting a little older and they realize that not everyone lives in a tent, I have told a few people that I am currently in the US on a student visa, following that by stating that my visa has also expired, and I was in the US illegally. If I got caught, I would be deported and couldn’t renew my visa, meaning I would never be able to get back into the States. (I'm amazed how many people actually fall for that one.)

Honestly, I wouldn't trade any of it just to understand the pop culture from the 90s that I missed out on. (I still, to this day, do not understand the whole Pokémon thing, and what you were suppose to be doing with the cards. But I definitely don't think I am missing out AT ALL.)

Here are some things I can relate to from my childhood and the 19 years growing up in the Middle East/ living abroad:

1. I flew before I could walk.

2. I understand all the jokes in Aladdin.

3. I miss bargaining for items. “Special price, just for you!”

4. When you say VISA, the first thing that comes to mind is a document stamped in your passport, and not a plastic card you carry in your wallet. (BTW- I’m not here on a student visa. I am an American citizen here legally.)

5. My apartment looks a little like a museum with all the "exotic" things from the Middle East.

6. Camping involves duning, getting stuck, and counting how many camels you saw. Rock climbing in the Wadi Rum Desert! Best camping EVER!

7. I am used to giving directions according to landmarks, not street names.

8. I will randomly say “Inshallah”, “yalla”, “min shuff” in Arabic without thinking.

9. The speed limit is just good advice, not something really to pay attention to.

10. I compete with my brothers on who has been to the most countries.

Although the entire comedy tour of Axis of Evil is hilarious, it was really hard to find just one of the four comedians to post, or to pick one joke from each comedian. So, I just put Dean Obeidallah's second part of his comedian act. (If any of the vulgar stuff offends you, well, I can't help that. They're comedians- they're essentially paid to be vulgar!)

ENJOY!